Evolving Into Higher Self

Someone asked me recently, "How do I know if I'm living from my True Self rather than from my False Self (aka Egoic Self)?" 

It's a great question, especially since we often will look at the so called "good" in our lives and avoid what we label the "bad". Of course we gravitate towards self examination that revolves around our loving responses and interactions. Yet, the very thing we need is to face ourselves in all parts - even our shadow. Begin by looking at when you are responding to others (or yourself) in:

self-contraction

constant reaction

preconditioned reaction

in survival (fear) mode

This is living from ego's perspective. Don't avoid it. Take some time to examine it. It's offering you a gift. 

What lies beneath the contracted or preconditioned response in your interactions? Whether the person you are interacting with is in the car lane next to you, a coworker in the office, a server at a restaurant, your kids or your significant other.

Examining what lies beneath the response is an important question, a decidedly necessary question - if you want your True Self to unfold. And when your True Self begins to appear you make room for new possibilities. This not only improves your life, your relationships but also improves the lives of those with whom you are interacting. I guarantee your life will change. 

Our interactions require self examination for a Deeper Self to evolve. It is one of the great truths of every philosophy and religion. And most of us tend to be avoidant. Turn around and face the disowned self and you will have clarity regarding your perspective and whether you are responding from the Truer Evolving Self or your Egoic Self.

(These thoughts are not new; however, I owe much to Marc Gafni and Craig Hamilton if you care to read more on the subject)

Committing To Your Development

Nietzsche wrote,

“There are two different types of people in the world, those who want to know, and those who want to believe.” 

Knowing takes more courage than believing. Most of us will defend our beliefs even when truth stands in opposition. It is an inherent part of being human. We are attached to our own beliefs; we own them and we defend them. However, in this changing world of impermanence, to remain open is to be able to examine oneself with a self-awareness that makes room for possibilities. Remaining open allows us to develop and evolve.

Resistance is normal. All of us resist change, particularly when it comes to what we choose to believe.  I've worked with many clients over the years who were blown away when a belief they held was in opposition to a new view which was demanding consideration. They struggle to make sense of it usually by defending their belief and slowly seeing how another view fits in with the already established belief.  This is the beginning of openness for many of us.  Other clients resist with such fortitude they just continue swimming in their denial.  While the former can be scary the latter is crippling to growth.  Making room for the new perspective, the new idea, brings about a shift in awareness. This has been going on since we were born. Working with individuals, couples and families, I see shifts in beliefs happen all the time. Here are just of few examples a beliefs held by individuals at the beginning of therapy or coaching:

My parents hate me.

I only ever attract losers as dates.

I'll never be good at sports.

I'm a great husband because I'm the provider.

My website is phenomenal even though I don't get any traffic.

There is no way my kid is gay.

I could never start my own business.

The Universe/God is against me.

These beliefs have a starting place in which to begin a shift and with some commitment to being open, things will change.  For instance a person who has never excelled at sports may never had any training. A husband may be an excellent provider and may ignore the emotional needs of his wife and kids. Others may believe that fate rules their destiny and that they don't play any part in their success or failure because taking ownership was never a value instilled in them growing up.

So, if you've been holding a certain point of view for many years, it's unlikely you're just going to turn around and say "I was wrong all along.”  Of course you’re going to have some resistance.  Beginning to work through your resistance is a commitment to “knowing.”  Sure, you might say you are open to new input, but when it enters your life, are you quick to reject it?  The ego is a tricky bastard and will shape shift in order to seemingly align with your belief system.  That's often where an outside view from a coach or a therapist is helpful.

Want some clues to see if you're resisting being open? When faced with a different perspective are you falling into one of the following archetypal roles:

Judge - Righteous, digging in and insisting you're the authority on the subject

Victim - Looking to be rescued insisting you have no power

Rebel - Attacking the other view with vehement anger

Prince/Princess - Self-importance, other views are secondary or not even worth consideration

These are manifestations of the ego. Own them but don't over identify with them.  Recognize that your resistance may be keeping you from a deeper truth in your life, keeping you from developing more quickly - on both a personal and interpersonal level. Then move through them.

Here's to your continued evolution,

John

John F Herberger, M.Ed

In Awakening.com