Future Goals and Your Past

For better or worse, without your past you wouldn't be standing here today in all your richness, full of possibility - and that is a gift we awaken to daily.

Every client I coach comes to me with the hope of changing something in their life, whether their habits, coping skills, relationship, career, etc. They come longing for a future that is different from their present. Most are ready to sit down and discuss where they see themselves developing and evolving over the next month or year and almost all are surprised when I ask them to look back as well as forward. Why? Because we don't want to look at the actions and circumstances that got us to the place we're not content to be - Our Present Situation.

However, looking back as a way of moving forward is essential. When you begin to observe the treasure of characteristics that helped you along the way, it's empowering and invigorating! Just as empowering, although a bit more vulnerable, is being attentive to the characteristics and actions that have hindered you.  After all, you don't want to repeat the steps that lead to your failure, you want to learn from them. It is by far one of the lessons that people tend to resist and one that I like to reframe as: 

"All of your past has been part of your ongoing development. You are not static; you are an unfolding, evolving and interconnected individual. Some of your capacities are more developed while others are less developed.. As coach and client, we need to maintain those characteristics that have fostered your success and we need to strengthen areas that are less developed that hinder your success."

And the way to do this is to honor all parts of you. Because every part of you has a valuable lesson to teach. Yes, every part of you.

As an Integral Developmental Coach, I am most effective in assisting your growth when you are able to share not only: your joys and pleasures but your fears and anxiety; not only healthy eating habits but your lack of exercise; not only your close relationships but the people you can't stand to be around; not only the people and institutions that you feel supported by but those that you feel pull you down.

In putting this all together, we come up with a map. A map of the territory called You! You'll begin to witness the interconnected levels and stages of your life and have a better idea of where you came from, where you're going and how to get there.

Think of your past as stepping stones towards your future.  When you do this, you thrive!

Here's To Your Evolution,

John Herberger, M.Ed.

In Awakening.com

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Laugh and Let Go

“Meditation is not a means of forgetting the ego; it is a method of using the ego to observe and tame its own manifestations.”

~Mark Epstein

I've been spending some time with my ego in meditation.  I (as ego) vacillate between two poles. On the one hand there are my Superior Stories where I judge others, especially when driving on the road or walking past new age baby boomers at the farmer's market and on the other hand there are the Self Deprecating Stories, where I'm "not good enough or up to par".

This of course is normal and fairly universal.

The practice of observing and not getting caught up in the story has and will be ongoing at this point in my life.  The ego is tricky and re-manifests itself all the time in a new form. It is especially adept at attaching itself to some newly gained knowledge or newly found spiritual truth.

One day in meditation I had a spontaneous reaction to observing my ego - I began to laugh at myself.  It just looked so silly and inane. "Oh look there you are John telling a Superior Story again, like you need that in order to exist".  It is laughable and in laughing there is a letting go.

The wonderful thing about getting to know one's shadow side, by becoming conscious of it and not judging or getting caught up in it, is that it loses some of its power.  What remains underneath the ego is gold.  It is the higher power pressing on and pushing to emerge. For me it is the Evolutionary Impulse.

However, if we ignore the ego, it will continue to throw out defenses, drive us into anxiety and keep us from evolving.

My advice: "Press On . . . and Be Sure To Laugh Along The Way"

Much Aloha,

John Herberger, M.Ed.

InAwakening.com