A Response To Life's Emotionally Charged Challenges In The New Year

It's the New Year - always a great time for reflection.

I don't do resolutions for the New Year because I tend to be a "year round" goal setter and practitioner .  I'd say it probably comes from my years as a therapist and coach; it's sort of inherent to the work. Some goals are ongoing (like exercise, diet, etc.) some tend to be new (like taking a class or traveling)  and some take more effort than others because they push me beyond my comfort edge.

In December I began to revisit some of the teachings I received from one of my most beloved teachers, Craig Hamilton. I am carrying this goal into 2015. Craig's deep understanding of development, evolution and humanity not only resonates with my own understanding, it pushes me forward with loving kindness. His teachings also remind me that the "We" is greater than the "me" and that the "me" must still be given attention.

As someone who has been an undisciplined mindful meditator for years, Craig's meditation template has taken me deeper, moved me beyond myself  and allowed me to better connect with my fellow human beings (and myself) with more loving-kindness. So I'm upping my meditation and contemplation practice - yet again.

I would like to share with you a piece of Craig's teaching  regarding "challenges" that I hope you find beneficial. When I choose to pay attention and not get mindlessly caught up in an emotionally charged situation, this way of responding always brings about the best solution.

Wishing you nothing but the best in 2015,

John

Craig Hamilton on Challenges:

When you encounter a challenging and emotionally charged situation in your life, before you respond, take a few minutes to ask yourself:

• What is the most enlightened or evolved response I could have in this situation?

• Why is it important for my own evolution for me to respond in the most enlightened, evolved way I can?

• Why does God/evolution/humanity (your choice) need me to respond in the most enlightened, evolved way I can?

Ground yourself in an intention to show up as an exemplar of humanity's potential. And then respond from this deeper intention. 

Notice how your perspective on the situation and your ability to meet it changes when you approach it in this way.

There is deep and powerful work that can be done to cultivate this perspective, to truly ground your life in this way of seeing--and even more importantly, acting.

Allow yourself to feel into the larger significance of your response to this challenging moment. 

Future Goals and Your Past

For better or worse, without your past you wouldn't be standing here today in all your richness, full of possibility - and that is a gift we awaken to daily.

Every client I coach comes to me with the hope of changing something in their life, whether their habits, coping skills, relationship, career, etc. They come longing for a future that is different from their present. Most are ready to sit down and discuss where they see themselves developing and evolving over the next month or year and almost all are surprised when I ask them to look back as well as forward. Why? Because we don't want to look at the actions and circumstances that got us to the place we're not content to be - Our Present Situation.

However, looking back as a way of moving forward is essential. When you begin to observe the treasure of characteristics that helped you along the way, it's empowering and invigorating! Just as empowering, although a bit more vulnerable, is being attentive to the characteristics and actions that have hindered you.  After all, you don't want to repeat the steps that lead to your failure, you want to learn from them. It is by far one of the lessons that people tend to resist and one that I like to reframe as: 

"All of your past has been part of your ongoing development. You are not static; you are an unfolding, evolving and interconnected individual. Some of your capacities are more developed while others are less developed.. As coach and client, we need to maintain those characteristics that have fostered your success and we need to strengthen areas that are less developed that hinder your success."

And the way to do this is to honor all parts of you. Because every part of you has a valuable lesson to teach. Yes, every part of you.

As an Integral Developmental Coach, I am most effective in assisting your growth when you are able to share not only: your joys and pleasures but your fears and anxiety; not only healthy eating habits but your lack of exercise; not only your close relationships but the people you can't stand to be around; not only the people and institutions that you feel supported by but those that you feel pull you down.

In putting this all together, we come up with a map. A map of the territory called You! You'll begin to witness the interconnected levels and stages of your life and have a better idea of where you came from, where you're going and how to get there.

Think of your past as stepping stones towards your future.  When you do this, you thrive!

Here's To Your Evolution,

John Herberger, M.Ed.

In Awakening.com

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Evolving Into Higher Self

Someone asked me recently, "How do I know if I'm living from my True Self rather than from my False Self (aka Egoic Self)?" 

It's a great question, especially since we often will look at the so called "good" in our lives and avoid what we label the "bad". Of course we gravitate towards self examination that revolves around our loving responses and interactions. Yet, the very thing we need is to face ourselves in all parts - even our shadow. Begin by looking at when you are responding to others (or yourself) in:

self-contraction

constant reaction

preconditioned reaction

in survival (fear) mode

This is living from ego's perspective. Don't avoid it. Take some time to examine it. It's offering you a gift. 

What lies beneath the contracted or preconditioned response in your interactions? Whether the person you are interacting with is in the car lane next to you, a coworker in the office, a server at a restaurant, your kids or your significant other.

Examining what lies beneath the response is an important question, a decidedly necessary question - if you want your True Self to unfold. And when your True Self begins to appear you make room for new possibilities. This not only improves your life, your relationships but also improves the lives of those with whom you are interacting. I guarantee your life will change. 

Our interactions require self examination for a Deeper Self to evolve. It is one of the great truths of every philosophy and religion. And most of us tend to be avoidant. Turn around and face the disowned self and you will have clarity regarding your perspective and whether you are responding from the Truer Evolving Self or your Egoic Self.

(These thoughts are not new; however, I owe much to Marc Gafni and Craig Hamilton if you care to read more on the subject)